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Friday, April 29, 2011


Here I am again starting fertility.  I guess that means there will be a lot more blogs because sometimes the only thing that helps me is to get my feelings out.  They say you shouldn't keep things bottled up inside so I guess I'm just following that advice.

You may or may not know but in order for Mike and I to start a family we had to go through fertility.  It was by far one of the hardest things I've ever been through in my life.  Yes, the end result was worth it all but that doesn't make the journey any less painful.  I will say that when I was pregnant with Elliott the hurt from the fertility mostly subsided and wasn't a constant thought but when I look back on oh man!

Here I am today, sort of celebrating that it's my 10th and final day of taking Progesterone.  It's a lovely *eyeroll* medicine that will make me have a period.  I looked up the side effects and it's a viscous, viscous medicine.

Medroxyprogesterone may cause side effects. Tell your doctor if any of these symptoms are severe or do not go away:
  • breasts that are tender or produce a liquid (nope)
  • changes in menstrual flow (nope)
  • irregular vaginal bleeding or spotting (nope)
  • acne (one or two pimples)
  • growth of hair on face (haven't had to shave yet)
  • loss of hair on scalp (not missing any big chunks)
  • difficulty falling asleep or staying asleep (this one hit me hard)
  • drowsiness (figured this was because of the last one)
  • upset stomach (attributed this to the last two)
  • weight gain or loss (blamed the cookies for this one)

    The last three are my favorites and the ones that I have the most......
    • Depression
    • Mood Swings
    • Confusion; inability to concentrate or think straight 

I remember this medicine but it seems so much worse this time.  I hate this medicine.  
H! A! T! E! 
this medicine and the way it makes me feel.  

I guess you can say "you've been warned".  I know that while I'm swinging from one mood to another, with an occasional stop at another mood that it's difficult.  I hate to blame the medicine but, it is, in fact, the medicine.

My plan is to do a cycle and be pregnant.  Seems simple enough.  One round of meds and then be done with it.  Think I can pull that off?  I hope so but I'm not holding my breath.  So many people told me that when women with fertility issues had a baby that most likely they were able to conceive again without any help.  Well, without any help from medical professionals, she obviously needed her significant other or at least a "designated hitter".  :)  I, however, was not that lucky.  

As I started to type that luck never seems to be on my side I had to stop typing because there was a little man at a toy box asking for help (because he was too short to reach the toy he wanted) and he was yelling "Mama, Mama, MAMA" and when I went over to help him he gave me a kiss and a big hug.

So, as I sit here crying because he warms my heart and soul just know that I got the subtle reminder that while this tough on me in all ways but mostly emotionally that IT IS WORTH IT!  I love being a Mom


  1. I love you and pray that you only need this one cycle to get pregnant... Yes, it is worth it, you know that. Hang in there kid. I'm here if you need me... <3

  2. Haha, did you just call me "kid"?